What Your Camp Beverage Says About You
At a certain point on the river—usually around four o’clock—all boaters start to daydream about whatever delicious something they plan to sip on that evening in camp. Cold drizzly weather might have you aching for a steaming cup of hot chocolate or a bad run in Lava might have you craving a nip of bourbon to steady your nerves, but everybody has a favorite beverage that they come back to, camp-after-camp. So here’s what that preference says about you—you will surely find the profiles terrifyingly accurate.
You know that camping doesn’t have to hurt. You’ve got a Paco Pad thick enough to please the princess with that darn pea. You know how to relish a scenic groover view. You would never dream of going “glamping” because this camping is already the height of glamour: expansive sunsets and red canyon walls and chirping bird wake-up calls.
Just because there’s a river moratorium on glass bottles does not mean you’re resigned to Tecate. You’ve had a big day and you didn’t just earn beer—you earned good beer. You were the first off every jump rock and out in front of the pack on every side hike. You put in a full day in an inflatable kayak (and you didn’t miss a wave). You probably even tried out your guide’s oars for a mile or two. Heck, you’re starting to think you might just be cut out for this whole guide thing. It’s not that the word relax isn’t in your vocabulary—this is how you relax!
If you’re not a kid, then you’re one heck of a cool grown-up. After everyone has disappeared back into their tents, you’re up late with the guides pointing out constellations. You’ve been teaching everyone how to play gin rummy and you are the trip’s reigning cribbage champion. You’re a bit quiet on the boats, but it’s only because you’re watching the passing scenery carefully and you’re always the first one to spot wildlife—otters and bears and bighorn sheep.
You probably wandered a little way off from camp to enjoy your drink and crack open that book you had stashed in your drybag all day. (In fact, you know that the German romantic philosophers have some pretty relevant stuff to say about the modern day river trip). Though you might seem outwardly serene, it’s because your intensity is well suited to the river. Your mind is always running a hundred miles a minutes except when you’re out here.
You would never dream of enjoying this particular beverage alone. Tequlia is a drink made to be passed among friends and friendly is your MO. You’re up for anything. In fact, it’s amazing that you found a moment between starting a costume party, jamming on the ukulele, and championing the dish line to even open that bottle. You’re an instigator, up for anything, and right at the center of all the fun.
You’re a kayaker, hoping the calories in a tallboy count as dinner because all that money you earned ski bumming last winter is running low and you’re still hoping to make it to South America to run some gnar come November. You spent the whole day boofing and praying for rain. Now all you need is a median strip for a friendly neighbor’s driveway where you can park your adventure-mobile for the night and you’ll be all set.