8 Ridiculously Cool Benefits Of Whitewater Guide Training

Why live as a mere mortal when you can learn to walk on water?

You’ve been thinking about it.

You toyed with the idea, last year maybe.

You’ve always thought, “Man, it would be cool to do that,” or “I could totally guide this boat.”

And, you can. You just have to go for it, sign up and do it.

But, if you’re on the fence, here are a few more reasons you should really think about joining us for a whitewater guide training:

• Rippling muscles of steel. You think CrossFit gets you buff? It’s got nothing on an intense workout of oar rowing and pulling yourself back into a boat. Clinically proven fact: muscular shoulders, biceps and back get you noticed by both men and women.

• Tan lines for conversation starters. If you’re one of those people who could use an icebreaker with strangers, a Chaco tan on your feet, mid-thigh tan lines from your board shorts and the infamous PFD-without-a-T-shirt tan will help you make friends fast.

• Culinary mastery your friends can’t claim. That friend of yours that’s always showing off the foodie knowledge? That couple that won’t stop talking about their Thai cooking class? Next time they pipe up, tell them about your new expertise in Dutch oven cooking.

• Calluses that make other people feel lazy. You’ll be shaking hands with every stranger after guide training, just to see their face when they realize you haven’t been sitting at a desk lately, soaking your hands in Palmolive. This will earn you either instant respect or eager cooperation.
  Or they’ll offer you lotion.

• Learning a foreign language. Ever try to hit the river left eddy after Lava Falls, only to clip the hole and watch a custy bail over the tube and swim the meat? No translation needed after guide training. You’ll have your own secret code at cocktail parties ever after.

• Prep for your Emmy speech. OK, maybe you won’t really be winning a best actor award, but you will get plenty of practice taking command of an audience and delivering concise communications. The hardest part of the job is managing group dynamics and coaching people. Guides have to be friendly and authoritative all at once — and you can learn it.

• Earn friends and groupies. Once everyone on Facebook finds out you know how to organize and captain a river trip, you’re going to be in high demand as a vacation accomplice. You get to name your bribery price when that happens.

• Save money on self-help books. You’ll probably never need another Tony Robbins or “Soup for the Soul” book. There’s a certain self-confidence and drive you get when you complete a guide school. You start seeing a familiar looking stud-muffin when you look in the mirror.

Convinced yet? We thought so. Check out all of the guiding and paddling instruction we offer, and sign up to take the plunge this summer.

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Photos: Jeffe Aronson, Becca Skinner