Nothing tells people around you what you’ve been up to quite like a good tan.

It has the power to make them curious, jealous or just conversational.

Without you uttering a word, a distinct bronzing can sometimes tell people exactly how you spent your day or your week.

Now, maybe no one has told you this yet, but there is a hierarchy and point system to the types of tan lines you might acquire.

Simply put, not all tans are created equal.

(Sunburn is never cool, of course. Always wear sunscreen.)

Photo: K. Steudel

My point, though, is that a full-body, evenly toned tan, well, that’s just boring.

If you’re going to get a tan, get it the right way, in the right places.

The I-fell-asleep-at-the-beach lobster bake? Not a winner.

The mid-calf contrast your dad builds up from wearing tube socks while golfing and grass cutting? Not even close to cool.

If you want high-fives and winks from those in the melatonin know, here are 5 tan lines you can aspire to, despite their being a bit weird:

The Teva Tan — Alternately known as a Chaco tan, or just a sandal tan, this is your first tier of tan-dom. This tells observers, “I get sun and I do it in casual environments where open-toe footwear is acceptable.” Of course, this tan only gets noticed when you’re actually wearing sandals, or barefoot, so odds are you’re in the company of others with similar tans. And, anybody can get this tan. That’s why this one only gets you 5 points.

The Raccoon Tan — This one tells more than you might think. If you see a person with a brown face but white around the eyes in the shape of their sunglasses, odds are they’ve not only been outdoors, but they’ve also been on water (a plus, of course). People in broad-brimmed hats and sunglasses don’t usually develop the Raccoon Goggles, but if they’re on the water, soaking up the sun reflecting off its surface, they develop this tell-tale mark. 10 points here.

The Fingertip Tan — This one’s for the bikers. See, they wear those fingerless gloves, and if they’re out mountain biking or doing road tours enough, you’ll start to see the tell-tale two-tone on their hands. Sometimes, they even have dark oval spots on the backs of their hands, if their gloves have a hole there. You’ve got to put time in for this, so it’s a 20-pointer.

The PFD Tan — This is one your guide will probably have. It comes from wearing that life vest with no shirt (or a bikini top) underneath. It’s not just a tan, it’s the hallmark of a lifestyle. This is also a 20-pointer.

The Trucker Tan — Ever been on a road trip headed north in the afternoon and hang your left arm out the window? If yes, then you probably ended up with this beauty. Although unbalanced, this one scores points because it will make your friends laugh and, hey, you’re off on an adventure, and that’s just one of many stories you’ll tell about it. 10 points for you.

Did we miss any? Tell us your favorite weird tan line story in the comments and we’ll be sure to send you a gift certificate for a discount purchase of sunshine.

The post 5 Weird Tan Lines You Can Be Proud Of appeared first on River Currents.

You’ve been thinking about it.

You toyed with the idea, last year maybe.

You’ve always thought, “Man, it would be cool to do that,” or “I could totally guide this boat.”

And, you can. You just have to go for it, sign up and do it.

But, if you’re on the fence, here are a few more reasons you should really think about joining us for a whitewater guide school:

• Rippling muscles of steel. You think P90X gets you buff? It’s got nothing on an intense workout of oar rowing and pulling yourself back into a boat. Clinically proven fact: muscular shoulders, biceps and back get you noticed by both men and women.

• Tan lines for conversation starters. If you’re one of those people who could use an icebreaker with strangers, a Teva tan on your feet, mid-thigh tan lines from your board shorts and the infamous PFD-without-a-T-shirt tan will help you make friends fast.

• Culinary mastery your friends can’t claim. That friend of yours that’s always showing off the foodie knowledge? That couple that won’t stop talking about their Thai cooking class? Next time they pipe up, tell them about your new expertise in Dutch oven cooking.

• Calluses that make other people feel lazy. You’ll be shaking hands with every stranger after guide training, just to see their face when they realize you haven’t been sitting at a desk lately, soaking your hands in Palmolive. This will earn you either instant respect or eager cooperation.
  Or they’ll offer you lotion.

• Learning a foreign language. Ever try to hit the river left eddy after Lava Falls, only to clip the hole and watch a custy bail over the tube and swim the meat? No translation needed after guide training. You’ll have your own secret code at cocktail parties ever after.

• Prep for your Emmy speech. OK, maybe you won’t really be winning a best actor award, but you will get plenty of practice taking command of an audience and delivering concise communications. The hardest part of the job is managing group dynamics and coaching people. Guides have to be friendly and authoritative all at once — and you can learn it.

• Earn friends and groupies. Once everyone on Facebook finds out you know how to organize and captain a river trip, you’re going to be in high demand as a vacation accomplice. You get to name your bribery price when that happens.

• Save money on self-help books. You’ll probably never need another Tony Robbins or “Soup for the Soul” book. There’s a certain self-confidence and drive you get when you complete a guide school. You start seeing a familiar looking stud-muffin when you look in the mirror.

Convinced yet? We thought so. Check out all of the guiding and paddling instruction we offer, and sign up to take the plunge this summer.

The post 8 Ridiculously Cool Benefits Of Whitewater Guide Training appeared first on River Currents.