How To Not Feel Like An ‘Old Fart’ On A River Trip

Jul 27, 2012

How To Not Feel Like An ‘Old Fart’ On A River Trip

A multi-day rafting trip is invigorating like few other things.

They have the incredible ability to make you forget anything that might have been bothering you back in the “real” world.

They offer you an opportunity to rethink, to reinvent yourself.

People toss around the expression, “You’re only as old as you think/feel,” and a river trip will make you a believer.

Just in case you need some tips to coax yourself out of fogey-dom, here are some things that will help leave your “old fart” self behind.

  1. Laugh at everything. You might be the type that would frown when your burger falls off the plate into the sand. You might quietly curse the teen-ager who points out your black socks look awful with your tennis shoes. You might look at whitewater rapids with trepidation. Laugh at them all. Out loud.

  2. DO NOT get up early. There are guides to do everything, including make the coffee and get your kids up. In fact, ask the guides to be sure to rouse your kids, while you sleep later than you did as a teen-ager.

  3. Say yes to every question. Wanna have a splash fight? Would you like to hike a mile to a waterfall? Does anyone like to dance without music? Who wants to play horseshoes? You’ll be asked these questions and more. There is only one correct answer, and it’s not a curmudgeonly “no.”Make A Face Daily

  4. Complete a daily check-list: Give out at least one high-five, give one hug, have a who-can-make-a-sillier-face contest with a stranger, eat one food item with your hands (that shouldn’t be), make up a new river name for yourself and survey the rest of the crew as to its appropriateness. Do each of these every day, and it will roll back your age 20 years.

 

It has been clinically verified in Swiss labs that doing all of the above makes it 99% impossible to feel like an old fart. 

I double-dog dare you to find out.

 

Got any tricks of your own for keeping your Scrooge-side at bay? Let us hear about in the comments.
Reid Williams
Reid has guided whitewater and taught swiftwater rescue in the U.S. and Central America on 13 different rivers, after brief turns as a chemistry teacher and a newspaper journalist. These days, he tries to turn people on to active, outdoor lifestyles as an executive at WELD.