5 Things You Will Only Hear On A River Trip

May 1, 2012

5 Things You Will Only Hear On A River Trip

River guides speak gibberish with meaning.

Here’s a fact:

If you do a lot of whitewater river trips, you’ll hear stuff that, well, doesn’t make a lot of sense once you leave the river.

 

Here’s a short list of a few choice pieces of verbage: 

  1. “You’re going to have to pull your pants up before you get back in the boat!”
    Not surprisingly, river currents that seem gentle can be, ah, strong.

    It’s not an everyday thing, but people have been known to lose their shorts to the whims of the river. Luckily, there’s a simple fix.

    Tie those suckers.

     

  2. “Now it’s time to eat pudding with your face!”
    Family trips rock.

    One reason is because if the kids get messy, all you have to do is throw ‘em in the river for a rinse.

    Simple. Clean. Effective (and fun).

     

  3. “When ancient map-makers wrote ‘The End Of The World’ on their maps, they were imagining this next rapid.”
    Guides have been known to, um, exaggerate.

    River stories are the imagination’s most fertile ground for tall tales. A big wave can easily turn into “a tsunami that blocked out the sun!” just moments after running it.

    Interesting fact: River stories get bigger and better details the farther away from the river you get.

     

  4. “Actually, when we ran this at high water …”
    A continuation of the tall tales mentioned above, but high water stories are a special breed.

    After hearing a particularly good high water story, you’ll be convinced that everyone involved had just stepped out of Clash Of The Titans, and the river was overflowing because it was filled with unicorn tears.

     

  5. “Today is going to be one of the greatest days of your life.”
    Ok, you won’t only hear that one on a river trip.

    But, on the river, you will hear it surprisingly often.

 

Got a personal favorite not on the list? Let us know in the comments.

Ben Curnett
Ben has guided whitewater trips from the Youghigheny to the Yangtze during his 20 years of running rivers. After spending most of his adult life floating rivers and ski patrolling, he picked up his long-neglected degree in creative writing and went to work managing social media at WELD.